The news is rubbish

It must be so dull to be a journalist these last few weeks. Nothing has happened. Yet, there has been so much potential. Prescott as acting prime minister must have created some kind of headline story. I thought it was his job to keep a number of journalists employed, seems he can't even do this properly. I want scandal.

Instead, I am constantly reminded of 'what is going to happen in 2007' and the Ashes. All fair and well, but if I have to read that 'later this year, Bush will become the most experienced G7 leader' again or England lose again, I will have to start making the news myself. An idea that comes to mind would be invading a country. I've always wanted one of those. Obviously invading somewhere where they can fight back would be a silly idea, that's why i'm off to the Dominican Republic, where their military expenditure is $0. I cannot lose. Genius.

Then I can be portrayed as a wicked dictator. Wicked in the sence that i'm great, not that i'm a tyrant or something like that. Although I can't rule that out. I think i'll have to leave a little subclause in the constitution, 'may be a tyrant if forced'. I mean, I wouldn't want to. Just if it was necessary. People would love it. I have found there can be too much free thought and happiness, I can't let them get away with it.

Write about that, Mr Guardian.