Sunday, December 24, 2006

The NRA have a graphic novel coming out.

It is too wonderful for words.

Strictly Come Dancing

For a while I was living with the thought that 'Celebrity Love Island' was the most unentertaining programme on televsion. How wrong I was. Having been surrounded by what can only be described as 'people' for the past few days, I have been subjected to conversation regarding said television programme.

Today, I could not move without it being mentioned, be it tv, newspaper, internet... Thinking about it, I cannot understand the appeal one bit. People you have vaguely heard of given a dance partner and told to dance then being voted off. Rubbish. Where's the scandal? Where's the loveable dim-witted tart? Where's the fake dancer that was put in to pose as a dancer then ends up marrying a contestant? Where's the page 3 model falling for and marrying a failed popstar who go on to release a hideous christmas single?

I don't know. People will watch anything.

In other thoughts, no-one ever wins on the Great British Quiz on channel 5. They offer ridiculous sums of money, and yet people will still call up and give their answer to a seemingly easy question. Hmmm. Something is going on....

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Bono to be Knighted

But as an Irish citizen, he shall not be allowed to use the title "Sir".

It amazes me that someone so devoted to peace, prosperity and generally groovy things can be so widely hated. It has to be granted to Bono that he has done some Good Things.

Why, then, can I not help but hate him and those stupid bloody sun glasses and his smug little smile and his bandmate The Edge?

Sometimes I just want a big man to punch Bono right in his mouth.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Monkey Magazine - Another Publication for Idiots

Monkey Magazine is a new mens magazine.

God-damn I hate those magazines and the sneery, laddish way they revel in their own stupidity. But this is not why I write. Rather, Monkey is to be online only.

This, again, is not really something to write about. So another website has lauched. Hoorah. But there is more to be said yet. First, it is being produced by Dennis Publishing, who also publish, among another titles, Maxim. Clearly they know their stuff in the field of idiot-mags. This marks then an interesting point at which the big magazine publishers are truly begining to see the possibilities of the web. And, finally, starting to take serious notice of their declining sales.

Bizarrely though, the magazine is, well, just that. a magazine. Or at least, a horrible faux-magazine. Complete with terrible page turning animation and a contents page that included page numbers but no links. Why? Why the hell would anyone produce such an over-Flashed product? In the modern internet, there is simply no reason for it. Just make a God-damned website. The internet is a medium, not a way of showing other media. How long untill corporations learn this?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

BBC air Tom Stephens interview, despite assurances of anonymity

BBC Editors Blog

Stephens was interviewed some time ago as park of the background to the case: it appears he was promised that it would not be broadcast and he would not be named.

With a surprising lack of integrity, the BBC has dang old gone ahead and broadcast these interviews anyway.

Mr Stephens should be presumed innocent until proven otherwise in a court of law; it is not for the BBC to judge these things. And untill that point, his confidences should have been kept.

That another man has been subsequently arrested shows quite how complex the case is, and the BBC had no right to presume to air something they had sworn not to. Least of all because it will jeopordise their chances of getting such interviews in the future.

Girl gives birth whilst at school

From the BBC

I don't wish to moralise here, but I think that there is an element to this story that simply cannot pass without comment.

"The Year 11 pupil is not thought to have known she was pregnant. "

It is true that I am male and, as such, have not had first-hand experience with preganacy. However, all reports seem to indicate that it is a fairly obvious 9-month process. At some point there, one expects the bearer to become aware of the growing child.

Or perhaps I am mistaken.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Why does BB3 hate us?

Tonight's schedule:

4 episodes of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps
2 episodes of Little Britain

Reading that listing made me do sick all in my mouth and on my shoes.

Why BBC3, why do you hate us?

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Kazakhstan Build Giant Tent

They want to build a city-sized tent.

Amazing. This sounds perfect. Imagine never walking out of your door and encountering gale force winds and heavy rain, also it can be warm all day long.

Going back to the Millennium, instead of building a crap tent and put something inside it, we should have built a giant motherfucker over, say, Scotland. It would have been amazing! People would have flocked there without the constant fear of getting swept away in a gale or freezing to death.

This is what the future is all about. Fuck going to the moon or anything, if we all just club together and build a tent over the entire earth, everyone will be happy. It even beats global warming, as the suns rays can be reflected away from the ground by the tent-ish layer of the atmosphere.


Friday, December 08, 2006

4oD: First impressions

4oD is hot and willing, all naked and beta for your lust-filled gaze.

I was very excited about 4oD
. It's new, it's bold and it's the future of media, right there in downloadable form. So, did it match up to my dreams?

Kinda, I guess.

The installer is small and intuitive, though one has to try hard to mess up an installer. Even so, so far, so happy.

The interface is pretty okay. It was a little slow and wasn't entierly wonderous, but does the job and looks pretty. Hopefully it will become a little more function-filled in time.

The problems kicked in when I noticed that Whose Line is it Anyway? was available! Not just that, but two of the British series, which make much better viewing than the American one, I think. Sadly however, after paying my 99p, it just plain old refused to download. I don't know why and I don't know what I can do to make it go: there wasn't any informations given.

As I weapt the kind of tears that only come from a lack of Whose Line?, I had a flick through the free offerings. Frankly, they were token at best. Starkey's Monarchy is going to appeal to some, sure, but beyond that Trigger Happy was all that really caught my eye as a "big name" programme. Eventually I settled on Hardeep Does, a very 'meh' show by a comedian who wants to do comedy and thinking, but doesn't quite make the jump across. However, it did download ludicrously fast. 175mb in less than 5 minutes, was impressive. And the quality looks broadcast.

This was where the second problem kicked in: you can only watch the show in the 4oD player which is shockingly bad. There is no way to chose a size manually. Worse, in a quick skip around the obvious places on my computer I just couldn't find the files to watch in software of my choice. I sincerely hope this is changed for the final release.

Overall this is an extremely welcome thing. A couple of minor things, but I'm still very happy.

edit: Just finnished Hardeep Does and it was crazy frustrating. I just wnated to sit down with the man and say where he went wrong. Which I guess is good thinking-making.

And another thing: 40D opens external pages in I.E., instead of your default. Which is absurdly irritating and exactly the kind of thing that makes me stop using software.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

BBC Sports Personality Of The Year

Just like this years Mercury Music prize shortlist, this years shortlist for Sports Personality of the year has been severely disappointing. Between them, I think I may have achieved more this year with a few badminton wins and picking matching socks in the morning.

Lets go through the list: Monty Panesar, a cricketer who cannot get picked in the England cricket team over the awful Ashley Giles. Andy Murray, only because Henman is worse. Zara Phillips, if she wasn't royalty, she would not be there. Phil Taylor?! Like darts is even a sport. Jenson Button, (the token motor racing entry) won a race. David fucking Walliams is even there for swimming the channel, which although an achievement doesn't give him the right to appear on the list when thousands of professional sportsmen and women strive everyday of the year and barely get a look in. The only positive is that while he was training, he wasn't attempting comedy....

A lot can be said about the favourite, Darren Clarke. I don't mean to offend anyone or appear an inconsiderate bastard by saying this, but the only reason he is in there is because his wife died. That is a fact. Otherwise Ian Woosnam would have been selected as the golf entry. The only one of them who has achieved anything this year, is Joe Calzaghe, who after 42 undefeated boxing matches actually deserves to win the award.

But my main point is, that British sport is in such bad shape. Kids are too fat and lazy to even go outside, let alone have the time to practice a sport in the few minutes they aren't in front of the tv screen. I blame the parents. And the government for not providing anywhere near adequate funding to actually let anybody explore any whisker of talent they have. In the last year, 2 sports centres near me have closed down, leaving a privately funded health club that I can't afford to attend. Scandalous! Rant over.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

It's about bloody time

NASA are planning a moon base!

And about time too. It's been the future for almost seven years now and I tell you, it still seems just like the present. Where are my meal-pills? My floating cars? Teleporter-related mishaps? Time-travel adventures? I mean honestly. I've not even entered hyperspace yet.

Pull your socks up, Scientists. I demand more future.

Friday, December 01, 2006


Danny DeVito drunk on American TV

There are few things more enjoyable than watching celebrities really being themselves in otherwise utterly artificial surroundings. In the above clip DeVito looks to be drunk as a cunt and is hillarious. And whilst Rosie O'Donnel handles the situation brilliantly, whoever her generic co-host is fails utterly to respond in an apropriate way: spending the entire interview trying to get back to scripted questions, floundering in the face of something TV-school just did not prepare her for.